I rebel, I lie to myself and try to justify how I really CAN control the uncontrollable. And then I fail because I forgot to include one very important aspect to my thinking – creativity. Really broad and applicable solutions come from a well-rounded mind – a mind that is creative and intellectual, analytical and thoughtful, grounded and spiritual. In my research of what it means to live a wh0le and happy life, I believe I’m supposed to use my brain in the endeavor of creating purpose and peace for myself and others. Sometimes I still like to create misery. And then I like to blame my misery on you (or the big bad world). Do you see the problem?

I invite you to do the following…see the world as it is through a new, more creative lens. Engage more with others instead of allowing your brain to tell you you are unique, or all alone. Shout out praise or curses to a God or universe that you don’t understand but choose to love anyway. And show up – for the good times and bad, for happiness and sadness. Then, if you’re open, you can experience the peace that comes from true gratitude for a life well-lived.

www.nicoledevlin.com

Of course, none of us has answers for another, so I have to ask myself the same question. I consider myself to be strong; I’ve done my “work”. This means means I’ve tried to learn how to take things in stride, how to succomb to what life has in store so that I may be reasonably happy. As I’ve learned to do this more and more, when change comes, I find myself able to accept what IS, rather than wishing for what is NOT.

Given that, I still suffer. I still long. I still feel lonely. I still am just me…a woman trying to understand life, money, love, men, security. In other words, I’m still human. I heard a man talk today about learning life lessons through the joy of living…learning how to let principles guide and save my life. I can do the latter, the former is still tricky for me. I still have underlying motives to some things I do. I still don’t get it until the 2 X 4 smacks me upside the head.

Maybe that’s the way it will be for me. Or, maybe one day, when I think I’ve got it figured out,  the rules will change. The question, though, is if/when that happens will I change?

Once a thought leads me to worry, I can become more anxious, even depressed, at an inability to control the way I feel. I globalize these feelings outside of myself to friends, family, even people in retail because, of course, they must be stupid. It’s not ME. But it is ME, it’s me that I keep trying to get away from.

Here’s what I can do…I can head out into the world with this attitude without putting on my armor (prayer, meditation, spiritual readings). Or I can attach myself to a discipline of using these tools like a drowning man seizes a life preserver. I’m not in danger of losing my life, but I AM in danger of drowning. Anyone who’s ever prolonged their suffering by not having a discipline to move through it (or by choosing not to use it) knows that it really does feel like drowning.

I want to live but I don’t want to just breathe. I want to experience the best of life without letting my inability to accept who I am to keep me suffering. I want to be able to understand that I WILL feel anxious, I WILL feel depressed. My job is to go back to my armor, which gets me through the day, keeps me in touch with the right people and continues to remind me that my life is useful. When I’m useful, I’m happy. When I’m happy, I create less harm. It’s that simple.

Keep up a discipline. Be useful…nicoledevlin.com

This past three months, the main adjustment (so I thought) has been the weather. It snowed, and I shoveled. It snowed again and I shoveled again. It snowed again and, well, you get the picture. It got to a point that I didn’t even want to go out. However, I did make it out the door to do what I had to to – workout, feed myself spiritually, see friends, eat.

In the midst of showing up for my responsibilities, I tried to keep my focus in the moment and on what had to be done. I worked on keep ing myself out of negativity and regret. “Why am I here and not there?” (there, in my case, being the SF Bay Area which has been experiencing incredibly warm temperatures).  Lo and behold, I realized I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

How do I know that? Because I believe in a universal and benevolent intelligence force/being called God that doesn’t let me down. Unfortunately, I’m not always made aware of what’s going on and I’m certainly not consulted for my approval on “the plan”. This, like the bad weather, has taken some adjustment. But little by little, as time goes on, I’ve learned to trust this powerful force to get into the drivers seat in my life. Interestingly, even though there’s bad weather outside, the storm can subside in my head.

I can pray to let go of what doesn’t work in order to find a calm that will work – in any weather, under any circumstances. I can see things as they are because I’ve been given the gift of clarity. This clarity enables me to see beyond superficial circumstances to what really matters – life, love, happiness, usefulness.

Life can always take on a new meaning, when I let it. I just have to be willing to show up for the snow, pick up the shovel and get to it…nicoledevlin.com

As someone who is heavily invested in personal development…I exercise, I have a vocation that I LOVE, I have the best friends on the planet, I eat well, etc…I can say it baffles me and yet I have my own way of getting comfortable with pain. I have even had experiences where all the hands of help in the world couldn’t have pulled me out. I was so attached to my misery that I wouldn’t let them.

We go back to the odd parallel that if so many people are trying to find pleasure, why do we find so much pain? Why do we gravitate – again and again – towards situations that make us ineffective and sad? The only explanation that has ever made sense to me is that the pain that I feel is so old and so much a part of me that the idea of abandoning this state is downright painful. It’s like my very guts are being ripped out of me.

Old pain can and has become a part of my body. To let it go would be like asking myself to cut off my left arm and watch myself bleed. The only difference is that when I let go of old emotional pain, there is death but there is also release and new life. The heart pumps harder, the brain becomes more aware of true happiness. New light enters my inner consciousness. I can see and feel things in myself and others that I’ve never felt before. I feel more complete and less attached to those things I thought I loved that only brought me pain.

It’s about freedom…the experience of being alive. Breathing in and out. Living and dying. Coming to terms with who I really am.  It’s about wading through enough muck to get to the core of the gift that I’ve been given in myself. It’s a new state of being that doesn’t come easy. But it’s worth the ride. Take your own trip into a new, happier self…nicoledevlin.com

Don’t get me wrong. I like to think and analyze, but at the end of the day, I’m hyper-sensitive and often ruled by emotion. None of this is good or bad. I am what I am. And I like who I am. However, when trying to maintain a cool stance during professional negotiations, my general rule is that hyper-sensitive  & emotional may not be the MOST persuasive tactic. But, not necessarily the worst either. Read on…

I’ve been in discussion with a temp employer about doing work that is different than what I’d been hired to do. I’ve spent much more time preparing for this than is typical for someone as impulsive as I am. I created structure. I responded to questions logically. I brought forth examples. I have, to the best of my ability, argued a good case.

So what ended up happening? I was asked a question that I’ve had the hardest time answering, the answer to which is at the core of my business’ success. “Who are you?…How can you say you know what you’re doing?” It’s taken me two years and a lot of hard knocks to answer this question completely, directly and with confidence…”I bring energy, vision, insight and focus to your business. And that’s exactly what you need to make money. You’re stuck and I can help because I’m not stuck and not afraid of failing. Trust me.”

Wow!! It took a lot of pain for me to figure that out. The second thing that ended up happening, shortly after that, was that I cried. And lo and behold, he didn’t kick me out of his office. Better yet, I believe it may have helped my case because I showed who I really am. It showed that I’m really NOT afraid. I’m a fully self-actualized WOMAN who has what it takes to be successful and to help others do the same. I can help people conquer the beast of fear that eats away at the foundation of their professional and personal lives. And I’m on fire to do it. Try me…nicoledevlin.com

Beginning late Friday, I began feeling anxious, lonely, insecure, out-of-touch, even sad. I was crying over songs that were happy and lamenting world problems that didn’t come near my door. I was like a hyper-sensitive sponge, picking up everyone’s energy and sadness. My Wonder Woman cuffs had disbanded and I was left with no power shield. I’d allowed myself to go up in my head which, for me, is another way of saying I’d lost faith.

I tossed and turned trying to sleep Sunday night. In the darkness, my stomach knotted and I felt a deep dark ball drop from chest to lower belly. I cried and fell asleep. Sometimes that’s all it takes but by Monday morning I was feeling even more depressed. I got up and got out anyway (because one of the most important lessons I’ve learned while growing up…from other real grown-ups… was to show up). I went to meet friends, I went to the gym.

Upon arriving home, I felt directionless about my work. I was obsessed with other people and things that were out of my control. The thought went through my mind to meditate. I HATE when those prayers (the ones I DON”T want to heed) get answered right away. I had a million things I needed to be doing. I couldn’t sit still for that long. But, sure as the nose on my face, the right thing to do was right there…Sit still Nicole. Feel what you’re feeling. Take it all in. Learn from it.

Well, I sat and breathed, and cried a little more for 20 minutes. At the end, mountains hadn’t moved, and nothing had changed. I still felt better. Just a little. And a little is all it takes. I didn’t want to go within. I didn’t want to feel my fears. But that’s where the progress is. Sometimes the answer comes from talking to friends. Other times it’s right there, where the big black ball had dropped from, or to. Who knows where it comes from or goes to, but sitting still made that space just a little clearer. And more space means more love, which is the answer to anything that ails me.

Clear out some of your own space… nicoledevlin.com.

I had a long conversation with co-workers the other day about want vs need, healthy dependency vs dysfunction. They seemed intent on qualifying all need as bad, and stated that there was a huge difference between want and need. Want was OK…need was NOT good.

Many of my friends and associates (myself included) have struggled with that word, so I certainly understand their unwavering adherence to the idea that all need is bad. Yet, as a grow older, I’m getting clearer and clearer about my own needs.

I was raised by strong women. Whether or not it was stated or implied, I learned that if you were to be strong and self-sufficient, it was unwise and unhealthy to need people…much less men. As a result, I’ve spent much of my life alone, taking care of myself and making sure my “needs” were fulfilled, but only to the extent that I allowed someone to get close to me, which was NOT to any great extent.

The past few years for me have been a struggle. I had to release many forms of attachment, which hit at the core of just about every facet of security I could think of. I cried alone at night, I railed at God, I was scared out of my mind. And I learned how much I really need people.

As a result, out of the woodworks came friends new and old, love bigger and stronger than I’d known it before. And with it came a real desire to have community, commitment, caring, concern and, most of all, unconditional love in my life. Without those things, which I thought would all bind me, I could not really be free.

The road doesn’t end there because I have to remain committed to myself and the ideals above. I have to be willing to take emotional risks, be vulnerable when I’d rather not, tell people I’m scared. I’ve had to let a man know I need him.

It’s all good, because in the end I learn who I really am. I learn how to be strong-er (not weaker) as a result of need. In fact, I’m more secure than ever – needing AND wanting. Giving AND taking. Strong AND weak. I’m more fully me. And with that, I can help others find themselves too. If that ain’t a miracle, I don’t know what is…nicoledevlin.com

I got a call mid-afternoon from a friend who is having trouble making a decision. Like many people, she feels compelled to do one thing for love and what she feels may be the right thing, may not be loving at all. What’s the surefire way to make such a decision? Damned if I know. So what did I do?

I listened, opening not just my ears, but my heart, to who she is and what I know of her experience. With everything she’s saying, I’m asking how I can love her in order to help her find answers. Notice I said help her find answers. I don’t have any for her.

In the process, despite the fact that her problem was one of intimacy, I found answers for myself in regards to work. What I did was reassure her that she already HAS the answer and if she continues to show up, it is just a matter of time before it reveals itself. I stated strongly that while she was waiting, she might continuouslyconnect with others so that when her answer showed up and she had to make a difficult decision, she might be in the midst of strong support.

I had a similar conversation with another woman later on. So what did I find out about me? Similar to these women wanting to be led to the best relationship for them, I am seeking to be led to the best vocation for me. I want a vocation that excites me, where I can help people, where my energy brings something unique, where I’m able to positively affect people. And I know now, whereas I didn’t know before that I really can do this. All I have to do, which was lovingly pointed out to me by my words to those others, is trust that I’ll find the answers and be supported through difficult decisions. The thing that I want to do least is often the best thing for me.  But I have friends who support me in doing whatever I need to do.

If you’re on the fence, or in need of the energy to make a transition to higher ground, you may need to take Responsibility and take Action in order to make a real Transformation. nicoledevlin.com

So what do I do when something goes missing. I look for it, under the table, in the carpet, behind the cat’s dish, outside, in the car. I search and search, but never really find it, until I stop looking. Basically, once I let go, I seem to stumble on what I was looking for all the time.

I’ll correlate this experience to my most recent lesson. This time it was around money, which is another way of saying I was in dire need of a surrender in the area of personal finances. But I didn’t want to let go. I knew what I was doing. This was the RIGHT thing, darn it!

But, as usual, by looking for clues, or THE Answer, I was missing the point. And the point is about letting go to get stronger. The answer wasn’t found in my head, no matter how hard I tried to “FIGURE it out.” The answer was in curing the ache…being willing to let go of what was standing in my way…ME.

So I gave up the “stuff”. I moved. I let other people help me. And as a result, I opened up my heart. I learned more about love. And I became truly strong, like I’ve never been before. And to top it off, I started attracting and receiving all those things that I’d been fighting for. And for the first time in my life,  it was easy…

If you’re afraid to let go, afraid of what may happen, what you might become…Let Go. Let God. Give it a try. Surrender to win. I did, and I’m running a R.A.T. (Responsibility. Action. Transformation) Race like never before.